The reason dogs are so happy.

Day one of only working one job. I have too much time on my hands and I have only been awake for about an hour. Oh, and did I mention I am currently working my online job as I type? Yes, my multi-tasking is making me more than a bit ADD and is going to drive me crazy when I begin adjusting to the slower way of life in Central America. I better have a stack of books to distract me. My mind has the discipline of a toddler and for some reason it truly settles when reading a book.

Today I am thinking about reconciliation. Forgiveness is truly above the normal capacity of human nature. It is Godly, so to say. I am not sure if we are capable of it without some divine intervention. Mending friendships takes one other element outside of human control; time. Ample amounts of time.

I am pretty sure the pace of life is set and that it only gets screwed up when we try to move things along or slow them down. Mentally it can be a disaster. How do we know when it is time to forgive, to move on, to patch hurts from the past? How long does it take until blame is a non-issue?

I want to become more active in unraveling these clogs in my life. Maybe it's the psychology student in me. I just don't think it's healthy to have one's soul weighed down with bitterness, resentment, hurts. As adults we learn to bottle these emotions and let them ferment. They get denser and harder to break up. Kids and dogs seem light, airy, and happy as can be for a reason. They deal with emotions in the present. I am not saying it would be ok for adults to just burst into tears in the workplace, but then again why not? Why are we afraid to let things out? For fear of judgement or being chastised?

So this is my goal for the next two months. Work on myself. Work on being self reliant. Work on making the people who love me feel the appreciation they deserve. Let go, when necessary. Be unselfish and realize that this whole endeavor is very selfish for myself (in some ways) and I need to understand the strain it places on others. Work on remembering who I am at my core and seeking to live to best represent those values. Work on being a better friend, daughter, sister.

Quitting my job has given me real work to do. Let's get started.