So hmmm. What's new? I could lie and say I have been touring the city, sightseeing, seeing broadway type productions and waltzing through the Melbourne botanical gardens. But, that would most definitely be a lie. Instead I have watched approximately 17 movies and countless hours of television, took one outing to the grocery store to fulfill our current hibernation mission, and taken one random walk in which I kept checking over my shoulder for fear of being mugged. Yeah that last part was the result of T. warning me to be careful and my paranoid brain. A catastrophic mixture. Anyways, back to the hibernation part. See I like to think of us as two bears, except that we are hiding out from the heat rather than the winter. T. has been really sick. For. 5. whole. days. I am a pretty patient person. Heck I practically had Swine Flu last fall and I only took one day off work! So, I have been trying to deal with this situation as patiently and lovingly as possible. He is a friend, after all and a part of the male species, which indefinitely makes him a bit weak from the start.
So doing nothing, hmmm, as if I could write an entire blog about that? Maybe there is more too it to that. I mean heck, if you know you probably won't leave the house the entire day, just getting out of bed in the morning is a huge accomplishment. I have hope it's not always going to be like this. I really do. I can't force someone to feel better just because I am tired of doing nothing. I just think a little fresh air never killed anyone. That's all.
So if anyone knows me well, they know I like to take long, long, long walks. I probably get it from my Grandmother and quite frankly, the whole MacKinnon side of the family. They are what I like to refer to as "walkers." I have a few friends that are walkers and I love them a lot (you know who you are 6 mile routers of Gainesville). My brother is also very found of walking, although his walks usually are a bit more enlightening (I have the slightest idea why). Anywho, at the point where I was staring at a blank wall out of boredom, ready to snap, I decided to walk. I was a bit nervous seeing as I could get lost pretty easily and because I had not really been more than two blocks away on my own prior to this point. So I walked. And I walked. And I walked some more. I saw other walkers and ended up at some river where people were rowing and I was pretty gosh darn tickled by all of this nonsense. It rained on me but I was still upbeat. So that was my Wednesday. Yay!
Today, back to the grind. I mean the grind of doing nothing. Cleaning has become a new hobby. Somehow caring for the sick and cleaning go hand in hand. I am lucky though as my male roommate has pointed out, he does clean and he does cook. So maybe he is a more evolved breed of the XY chromosome combo.
Today I did hear some very sad news and I ask that anyone who is reading this please say a prayer for Nancy and Jillian. Hearing about tragedies back home is never easy, especially when you are far from people who are really hurting. But prayer does not know boarders of continents, at least I like to believe. So pray on I will.
Tomorrow bright and early we depart for Sydney. I am hoping that I will actually get to go out and am looking forward to some MUCH MUCH MUCH needed girl time with Nicole and Jenna from camp. I will also be seeing one of my favorite Aussies, Steve! Steve, T., Nicole, C., and I (and Melissa, Lindley, Kim, Brad and Liz of course! ) all had the same day off at camp last year. We are looking forward to the reunion and hopefully getting out to celebrate a bit. It is also Chinese New Year and Valentines Day, although I doubt I will be celebrating either. I will try to keep everyone posted on Sydney and all that jazz. Hopefully it will be better than hibernating.
So my thoughts at this point? A bit skeptical, but then again that could have developed from watching too many cheesy movies. But I am skeptical and finally realizing I am in the "real world" no one really wants to enter. Everything behind me is a blur and I basically have busted out of the institution that has held me in place 17 or 18 of the 22 years of my life. That's right, the education system. It makes sense that all of my friends are school friends and that most of my life has been, up until now, determined by dates and deadlines of school, sorority, jobs, research meetings etc. Now I am free. Which don't get me wrong is liberating. But it sure is scary, and lonely. Going from living with 60 women, having scheduled meal times, schedules days, carrying a planner, and knowing what I will be doing day to day, week to week to this? It's a bit of a shock. And a bit stressful. I am coping. I am reading a lot of books. I can't wait for grad school after I am done with these experiences. I really thought my practical side would kick in but it unfortunately is not. Driving in Australia is hard. So is cooking, and figuring out when to use the water, and how to work the blinds. I have learned so far that I would suck at being a housewife and that I really have a breaking point when it comes to caring for the sick. Hmm weeding out life purposes by the bushel. I like that .
Until next time,
Natalie
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Beautiful Mess
I apologize for the absence. It's been a crazy last few days. Mainly because both my housemate and I have been pretty sick. For some odd reason I always think I am immune to illnesses, even when someone in my close proximity is literally dying from coughing or fever. The excuse that I eat all my vegetables doesn't cut it. I got sick.
Despite the experience of being sick abroad, which is not too bad in my cushy apartment, things have been up and down. I was obviously a bit upset last week when I wrote and wanted to be in a better mood before I rambled on about something depressing. No need to worry anyone. I think my melancholy stems from the lack of mental challenge or a structure in my life. Hmm interesting how someone on holiday will snap without a scheduled list of meetings, assignments, classes, and lab hours to complete. Obviously that's what sets me apart as an American. Workaholic in nature I suppose.
To remedy these overwhelming feelings of a lack of purpose, I have begun my job hunt. Today I am going to talk to a friend of a friend at some pizza restaurant to see about a job. If that falls through (which I may or may not be happy about), I plan on taking my sales pitch to the road next week when I get home from Sydney.
Before I get into next weekend's travels, I should probably comment on this past weekend. It was a good one indeed. I feel pretty blessed to have friends here that make the effort to take me to some really cool places. Our destination; a place called Spray Farm. I know it sounds like a dump for pesticide use, but it turned out to be a beautiful vineyard directly on the coast near the start of the famous Great Ocean Road. We were attending a show called Day on the Green to see Aussie singer Vanessa Amarossi (sp?) and Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20. I will have some pictures up soon on facebook, but honestly it was the most beautiful show venue I have ever attended. We sat high up on the hill, had a lovely picnic, and enjoyed the music. We may have enjoyed the crowd's antics more, though. I had my first glimpse of what is known as the Aussie drinking tradition. Everyone was hammered. Men falling off coolers, Women tossing their wine and cheese all over a stranger's picnic blanket. No worries mate. My favorite part was watching the stragglers at the end of the night who somehow had missed their friends, their car, and the boat completely. I guess the cops have to round them up at the end of the night. Either way, I never saw so many responsible adults that publicly intoxicated! Maybe drinking bottles of wine all day in the sun was a bad choice. Maybe it's just in their nature to get away for a Saturday, booze it hard, and return to their lives in the City on Monday. Hardcore is the only word that comes to mind.
So beyond being stunned both by the beauty of the ocean, and some people's lack of dignity, I was feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't last too long, when a random comment sent me over the edge. It was between my two best friends here, something along the lines of how they are the only constant friends in their lives. I took it as I am only temporary. I don't know why this realization hurt so much. Maybe it is because in my idealistic fantasy world I can do everything and be friends with everyone and no one is ever left out. I am now attempting to see my lack of permanence as a good thing, an asset I have, something to remind my not to care about what people think or how what I do now will affect my future here. Because there is no future here. Not likely anyways. Another reason why I can't be getting all vulnerable or falling for Aussie boys. Just not worth the heartache.
I do my fair share of thinking here and I apologize if it completely resembles the ramblings of a crazy person. When I have the time, I think, and thinking rarely brings me to wisdom without hitting the low points along the way.
On a lighter note, this weekend we are heading to Sydney and I think the change of scenery will do me good. We will be seeing our friends Nicole, Steve and Jenna which will be a delight. I am extremely excited about having girl time with my pinewood girls and hopefully experiencing the nightlife. It is Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year so it is sure to be a pretty festive weekend.
Thank you again for the love and support. Keep the messages and skype calls coming.
xo,
Natalie
Despite the experience of being sick abroad, which is not too bad in my cushy apartment, things have been up and down. I was obviously a bit upset last week when I wrote and wanted to be in a better mood before I rambled on about something depressing. No need to worry anyone. I think my melancholy stems from the lack of mental challenge or a structure in my life. Hmm interesting how someone on holiday will snap without a scheduled list of meetings, assignments, classes, and lab hours to complete. Obviously that's what sets me apart as an American. Workaholic in nature I suppose.
To remedy these overwhelming feelings of a lack of purpose, I have begun my job hunt. Today I am going to talk to a friend of a friend at some pizza restaurant to see about a job. If that falls through (which I may or may not be happy about), I plan on taking my sales pitch to the road next week when I get home from Sydney.
Before I get into next weekend's travels, I should probably comment on this past weekend. It was a good one indeed. I feel pretty blessed to have friends here that make the effort to take me to some really cool places. Our destination; a place called Spray Farm. I know it sounds like a dump for pesticide use, but it turned out to be a beautiful vineyard directly on the coast near the start of the famous Great Ocean Road. We were attending a show called Day on the Green to see Aussie singer Vanessa Amarossi (sp?) and Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20. I will have some pictures up soon on facebook, but honestly it was the most beautiful show venue I have ever attended. We sat high up on the hill, had a lovely picnic, and enjoyed the music. We may have enjoyed the crowd's antics more, though. I had my first glimpse of what is known as the Aussie drinking tradition. Everyone was hammered. Men falling off coolers, Women tossing their wine and cheese all over a stranger's picnic blanket. No worries mate. My favorite part was watching the stragglers at the end of the night who somehow had missed their friends, their car, and the boat completely. I guess the cops have to round them up at the end of the night. Either way, I never saw so many responsible adults that publicly intoxicated! Maybe drinking bottles of wine all day in the sun was a bad choice. Maybe it's just in their nature to get away for a Saturday, booze it hard, and return to their lives in the City on Monday. Hardcore is the only word that comes to mind.
So beyond being stunned both by the beauty of the ocean, and some people's lack of dignity, I was feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't last too long, when a random comment sent me over the edge. It was between my two best friends here, something along the lines of how they are the only constant friends in their lives. I took it as I am only temporary. I don't know why this realization hurt so much. Maybe it is because in my idealistic fantasy world I can do everything and be friends with everyone and no one is ever left out. I am now attempting to see my lack of permanence as a good thing, an asset I have, something to remind my not to care about what people think or how what I do now will affect my future here. Because there is no future here. Not likely anyways. Another reason why I can't be getting all vulnerable or falling for Aussie boys. Just not worth the heartache.
I do my fair share of thinking here and I apologize if it completely resembles the ramblings of a crazy person. When I have the time, I think, and thinking rarely brings me to wisdom without hitting the low points along the way.
On a lighter note, this weekend we are heading to Sydney and I think the change of scenery will do me good. We will be seeing our friends Nicole, Steve and Jenna which will be a delight. I am extremely excited about having girl time with my pinewood girls and hopefully experiencing the nightlife. It is Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year so it is sure to be a pretty festive weekend.
Thank you again for the love and support. Keep the messages and skype calls coming.
xo,
Natalie
Thursday, February 4, 2010
tuna and beans, flames and bondfires.
Today has been a day spent wrapped in thought. It's been a week since I stepped foot onto this gracious continent, and yet, I think I am just now beginning to feel the weight of my presence here. I am beginning to realize that I have a budding life here, that my presence, although short, would be missed if I dissipated into the heavy summer heat. It is bittersweet.
The first week I had morning coffee with friend thousands of miles away. I met new faces, shared gourmet pizzas, and beers on the beach. I felt warm and welcome. I didn't feel loss. Today marked a change, maybe a shift not unlike the plates deep beneath the earth that have caused such tragic catastrophe in recent months. I found myself contemplating what the hell am I doing? Am I running towards my dream or away from someone else's? Am I being authentic or just jumping into another fantastic story running parallel to mine back in the States?
I am beginning to see people as they really are. I pride myself in keeping the company of people I consider real. And in being real, they probably carry some burden or have experienced something that allows them to really feel and care for others. I consider myself lucky to know such endearing souls. Within this category, however, I have begun to define two types. There are those who try to project their ideals and ideas about you onto you, perhaps inspiring you to move in new ways to fit some novel shape. But there are also those that can be limitting. Like a piece of clothing that is just too tight or a shoe too small. No room to grow. When you are young, physical and psychological growth can be seen, praised, and acknowledged by all. When you get a bit older, all of this growing takes place on the inside. It's harder to realize, harder to accept, it requires honesty.
Here is my fear. In growing,I will hurt others. Hurt the people who make the boxes, in which, I appear to fit in the images of their minds, but never quite fully in their hearts. In growing from these, the boxes may spilt and shatter. Pieces of remorse and a dream of what that box could have held, but never truly contained. I don't want to admit that I am growing, but I know I am.
How can I both hold on and let go? The past is the past, but as this trip has shown me, there are parallel universes. You can carry friendships across oceans and conversations over invisible connections. But then there are the connections of the heart. Do those float away towards distant shores, or reverberate into oblivion? If I build the box, can I make it big enough so that my heart can never burst through?
The first week I had morning coffee with friend thousands of miles away. I met new faces, shared gourmet pizzas, and beers on the beach. I felt warm and welcome. I didn't feel loss. Today marked a change, maybe a shift not unlike the plates deep beneath the earth that have caused such tragic catastrophe in recent months. I found myself contemplating what the hell am I doing? Am I running towards my dream or away from someone else's? Am I being authentic or just jumping into another fantastic story running parallel to mine back in the States?
I am beginning to see people as they really are. I pride myself in keeping the company of people I consider real. And in being real, they probably carry some burden or have experienced something that allows them to really feel and care for others. I consider myself lucky to know such endearing souls. Within this category, however, I have begun to define two types. There are those who try to project their ideals and ideas about you onto you, perhaps inspiring you to move in new ways to fit some novel shape. But there are also those that can be limitting. Like a piece of clothing that is just too tight or a shoe too small. No room to grow. When you are young, physical and psychological growth can be seen, praised, and acknowledged by all. When you get a bit older, all of this growing takes place on the inside. It's harder to realize, harder to accept, it requires honesty.
Here is my fear. In growing,I will hurt others. Hurt the people who make the boxes, in which, I appear to fit in the images of their minds, but never quite fully in their hearts. In growing from these, the boxes may spilt and shatter. Pieces of remorse and a dream of what that box could have held, but never truly contained. I don't want to admit that I am growing, but I know I am.
How can I both hold on and let go? The past is the past, but as this trip has shown me, there are parallel universes. You can carry friendships across oceans and conversations over invisible connections. But then there are the connections of the heart. Do those float away towards distant shores, or reverberate into oblivion? If I build the box, can I make it big enough so that my heart can never burst through?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The working week... well not for me anyways
Hello all! Glad to see some people have been taking advantage of this blog to read up on my (mis)adventures so far. Since I last wrote, not a whole lot has happened, but I have been settling into my life here. I think the greatest challenge for me now is how to relax and really just be happy being alive. Sounds deep and all, but really it's more like enjoying sitting around and going with the flow. I basically fought my way into these people's lives so I can't exactly start calling the shots. I also am pretty lucky to know what this feels like. I know later in the hectic bustle of law school or grad school I will long for these hot summer days at grandma's house with my sleeping aussie. (For those of you who didn't know T. sleeps nights so I am always online in the morning which is probably evening in the States)
Ok so although it was lazy I will fill you in
Monday: After finally working on my blog and talking to family and friends, it was time to experience the mundane and the everyday in Melbourne. Autoparts store woohoo! T. and his friend Marc and I headed to the store to get him some parts for his car. We ended up back at Marcs place, had a beer, watched Ironman. Goodtimes to be had by all. Luckily I was allowed out on the road for a bit of driving practice. I am finally becomming accustomed to the opposite side of the road issue, but still confused by the opposite side of the car part. I sometimes put on the windshield wipers instead of the indicators. It hasn't rained much here so I ende up looking pretty idiotic.
Tuesday: Almost the same scenario as Monday except today we visited T.'s workshop and brought car parts to the drifting shop, ran some errands and saw Marc and the family. T. promised me a beach trip after I had googlemapped how to walk there. Only 10k! I could do it! Coming into the city and looking out at the water was really what I needed. I think many of you know about my walking route along the water in St. Pete near downtown. It's something that I hold pretty dear and can not do without when I am home. I feared that I would never find a walking path that good abroad. Well, I got lucky. It's no calm Vinoy Park, but it is a happy medium between that and South Beach. There are beautiful and fabulous restaurants and bars overlooking the beachscape. Trails for walkers, bikers, and yes, bladers! I was suddenly happier than I had been all day! We walked a good while and took in the sights. There is an old amusement park there too that I really want to check out and photograph. I got a few good ones of the sunset and called it a night. I plan on coming back there to walk or bike pretty soon, as well as check out the nightlife. Everything is still a bit overwhelming, but its becoming more and more normal. Towards the end of the night I began to feel a bit cranky. It may have been the sun, because supposedly my cheeks were displaying the effects of the UV rays. I claimed to be immune, but I guess not. I was thinking that I hated feeling useless. So far in our apartment, I try to do my best with simple things, but overall, T. figured out how to do everything for me. I expressed this concern, but aparently it's hard for someone to understand. I just want to know that I bring something to the table. As if my pressence is making life easier instead of the opposite. I guess hospitality goes beyond that fairness and people are just happy to share what they have with you fully.
As for today, I don't think there are any set plans in the works. I anticipate relaxing and maybe some exploring. I am also excited because we are going to see Rob Thomas this weekend at some music festival along with some local bands. The following weekend we are heading to Sydnee to see Steve and Nicole from Camp! I also just subscribed to an online newletter about stuff happening in Melbourne. I am happy to learn about this huge sustainable living festival/workshop thats free for the public coming up in two weeks. Definitely up my alley and I will probably drag some friends along. So life is slow and simple, yet rich and beautiful.
A few other thoughts.... I think (after seeing the beach life) this city is very easy to fall in love with. While I was walking by the water I had one of those moments where you just look up at the sky and are wholly thankful for the moment you've been blessed with. I realize that thinking about a moment is not living the moment, but it's as good as someone shaking your shoulders forcing you to be a bit more present.
Also, I worry too much for Melbourne. So if I sound anxious or worried it's probably me using this as an outlet. DO NOT WORRY.
I love you guys and thanks for all the facebook and skype chats.
Ok so although it was lazy I will fill you in
Monday: After finally working on my blog and talking to family and friends, it was time to experience the mundane and the everyday in Melbourne. Autoparts store woohoo! T. and his friend Marc and I headed to the store to get him some parts for his car. We ended up back at Marcs place, had a beer, watched Ironman. Goodtimes to be had by all. Luckily I was allowed out on the road for a bit of driving practice. I am finally becomming accustomed to the opposite side of the road issue, but still confused by the opposite side of the car part. I sometimes put on the windshield wipers instead of the indicators. It hasn't rained much here so I ende up looking pretty idiotic.
Tuesday: Almost the same scenario as Monday except today we visited T.'s workshop and brought car parts to the drifting shop, ran some errands and saw Marc and the family. T. promised me a beach trip after I had googlemapped how to walk there. Only 10k! I could do it! Coming into the city and looking out at the water was really what I needed. I think many of you know about my walking route along the water in St. Pete near downtown. It's something that I hold pretty dear and can not do without when I am home. I feared that I would never find a walking path that good abroad. Well, I got lucky. It's no calm Vinoy Park, but it is a happy medium between that and South Beach. There are beautiful and fabulous restaurants and bars overlooking the beachscape. Trails for walkers, bikers, and yes, bladers! I was suddenly happier than I had been all day! We walked a good while and took in the sights. There is an old amusement park there too that I really want to check out and photograph. I got a few good ones of the sunset and called it a night. I plan on coming back there to walk or bike pretty soon, as well as check out the nightlife. Everything is still a bit overwhelming, but its becoming more and more normal. Towards the end of the night I began to feel a bit cranky. It may have been the sun, because supposedly my cheeks were displaying the effects of the UV rays. I claimed to be immune, but I guess not. I was thinking that I hated feeling useless. So far in our apartment, I try to do my best with simple things, but overall, T. figured out how to do everything for me. I expressed this concern, but aparently it's hard for someone to understand. I just want to know that I bring something to the table. As if my pressence is making life easier instead of the opposite. I guess hospitality goes beyond that fairness and people are just happy to share what they have with you fully.
As for today, I don't think there are any set plans in the works. I anticipate relaxing and maybe some exploring. I am also excited because we are going to see Rob Thomas this weekend at some music festival along with some local bands. The following weekend we are heading to Sydnee to see Steve and Nicole from Camp! I also just subscribed to an online newletter about stuff happening in Melbourne. I am happy to learn about this huge sustainable living festival/workshop thats free for the public coming up in two weeks. Definitely up my alley and I will probably drag some friends along. So life is slow and simple, yet rich and beautiful.
A few other thoughts.... I think (after seeing the beach life) this city is very easy to fall in love with. While I was walking by the water I had one of those moments where you just look up at the sky and are wholly thankful for the moment you've been blessed with. I realize that thinking about a moment is not living the moment, but it's as good as someone shaking your shoulders forcing you to be a bit more present.
Also, I worry too much for Melbourne. So if I sound anxious or worried it's probably me using this as an outlet. DO NOT WORRY.
I love you guys and thanks for all the facebook and skype chats.
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