Perdida en La Playa and Other News

Hi, Hello, I’m here and I’m happy! Don’t despair family and friends you should probably take my absence as a good sign. My failure to write means usually that I am either 1) very content without ganas de escribir or 2) very busy integrating into my community. In this case a bit of both with a bit of fun-busy mixed in. I love Panama and luckily have had the opportunity to see soo much of this breathtaking country in a short time. I feel truly blessed.


Antes de todo, however I just want to take this time to talk about some very serious news I received from family and friends back at home. I know that living in an alternate reality sometimes makes one feel very distant from the goings-on in the states, but somehow tragedy finds a way to pull on one’s heart strings (as my father would say) and bring you back mentally to the beloved people left behind. The sudden death of an old friend hit me with a major blow. How can someone reconcile with death at 24 years of age? It just doesn’t seem real and all I can do is pray for her family and remember her as a shining star of a person. Just breaks my heart to imagine that she will not continue to impact the world with her contagious smile and laugh. And that I never told her how much I missed her friendship when we grew apart. Why her and why now? These questions that trail off into silence are probably on all of our minds. I just hope she knows how loved she is by all.

Of course death has a ripple effect. People near and dear to the lost send out this small wave and it’s echoed in people farther removed; older companions, acquaintances, and colleagues. A day like this I wonder about everyone I left behind and how fragile our lives really must be. How I could lose my whole world so rapidly through the loss of another’s. I also think it’s not fair, I feel too blessed to be where I am and to be celebrating my life in such a way. When I received the news I was staring out into the Pacific Ocean on a tranquil Panamanian beach contemplating my future impact on my community. I was thinking of the new friends I had made and a highly memorable Thanksgiving. I was missing my family who had celebrated without me.

But, here I am, alive, with an opportunity; an unwritten but open future. My initiative will bring me where I will go and I hope to get as much loving of the world in before God lets me out the backdoor.

Which brings me to another point about the Peace Corps. A wise person recently told me the Peace Corps is about love. It’s an opportunity to fall in love with a country and a culture and one a smaller scale, a small community group whose bonds are stronger than anything I’ve experienced previously in my life. Beyond the projects, the grants, the initiatives and charlas, the real point is to share life and observe the world through the eyes of others. Breaking down cultural barriers and misconceptions is a big part of that as well. Coming to an understanding and a sense of confianza that neither time nor distance will likely erode.

So when you all ask me what it is that I am doing over here in Panama, my answers will probably vary, but above all else, I’m here for the experience of the people. I liked the way my friend in Peace Corps Samoa recently put it. She said “I joined Peace Corps for travel and adventure, and well after 11 months the adventure has worn off and I’m stuck on a very small island. Just the same I wouldn’t change a thing.” I think that sums up the attitude we are all having in group 68… maybe this isn’t exactly what we had in mind, but it’s pretty amazing. No we are never lonely, and yes we can live without the “conveniences” of home (not that I’m one to talk as I have a lot of conveniences, which make me a bit less hardcore as a volunteer). And as for sacrifices, I really don’t believe I am making many to be here. I am free to do anything I want and empowered to do so to have the impact I want to have, I just got to stay and keep working. “The hardest job you’ll ever love” may be the Peace Corps motto, but to me it feels more like “the most significant job you are lucky to land AND love.” Ok done with my idealist ranting for now.

As for updates about my life and service here (they are one in the same right?) there are many. I am happy to report that I did my official community analysis and environmental action planning meeting with my APCD (aka my boss) and 21 members of my community plus various ninos. Not a huge turnout but it went smoothly, although very long. After completing a fun ice breaker (in the style of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire) in which I presented the findings of my analysis, which ranged from statistical facts to an investigation of family, religion, economics, education, health, organizations and politics, I facilitated the group through a series of brainstorming and goal setting tools. We spoke about the strengths and weaknesses of the town and prioritized the environmental problems that have the greatest negative local impact. No surprise deforestation won the race. The group discussed several causes and effects of local deforestation and practiced making achievable and measurable action plans to begin addressing their objectives. All in all, pretty impressive. Lessons learned were that, yes I do speak Spanish pretty well now, and no-bake chocolate peanut butter oatmeal cookies are fine incentive to get people to show up to a meeting.

Soon after my successful meeting I was graced by a visit from my dear friend Maura who is badass enough to quit her job to visit me. Well this is partly true. She did show up full force and made me a cool blanket for my birthday which my cat Cleo and I are currently enjoying. Also special shout out to Leah and Allie for the AMAZING gifts (care packages, no more like love packages!) Having to open up every tiny wrapped present from Leah in front of the Panamanian mail worker with seemingly endless patience was also I great cultural exchange. The best was when I opened up the framed picture of us and showed it to him, he nodded with a huge grin, totally interested in who this mystery friend was whose confetti filled box was overflowing onto his desk. He also shook gifts and looked surprised at everything I unwrapped. (Especially the awkward gift, Leah.) Super cool. I also received lovely handwritten letters from Grandma, Dad and Lisa, thanks guys  and way to make me feel very special! So excited for you all to visit!

As for the visit and trip with my main girl Maura, it was eye-opening into the differences that struck us. Each place we visited was distinctly unique, and many changed my limited idea of what Panama really is. This country has countless mini cultures and mini climates. In the course of two days we went from a beautiful forested town that resembled a ski village with temperatures to match, to an Afro-Antillean island community under the beating sun. Languages change and people change, but the mosaic of faces are all Panamanian. Seeing a parade for the Separation from Colombia Independence Day of Nov 3rd on the Caribbean island of Isla Bastimentos was a treat. The people, who spoke mainly Guadi Guadi, (which is a unique creole language of mostly English, a bit of Spanish and a whole lot of Jamaican influence), and with a style all their own march with the same drums and liras as the parades just outside my town was fascinating. I truly did win the lottery by coming to Panama for Peace Corps. The mix of people and cultures is incredible.

A final highlight was the opportunity to visit the Rio Chagres National Park with the help of my host uncle who works for the ANAM environmental agency that works in the park. He organized a boat trip for us and the chance to explore a local Embera community inside the park. The people of this group have developed a cultural tourism-based income to support themselves, since laws prohibit extensive subsistence agriculture. Not knowing we were heading to this gorgeous village at the start of the trip, I casually asked our guide what languages he spoke, more to satisfy my curiosity to know if he was of one of the many indigenous groups that live nearby. He said he spoke Spanish, Embera and a bit of English and seemed very dedicated to learning more for his work. He also slyly said he wasn’t wearing his traditional dress today, before nimbly climbing to the top of a huge waterfall in the pouring rain. No biggie. I later discovered when we saw the groups of “real” tourists (aka non peace corps volunteers with connections and lots of money to pay travel companies) arriving on the dugout canoes that the traditional dress that we were missing meant a brightly colored loin cloth. Darn… uh just kidding. He was a cool guy and I am happy we got to see the community a bit more behind the scenes before the hordes of camera-flashing European tourists arrived with their translators and fat wallets. It was a bit like seeing backstage at Disney World when the actors were being real. I had a lovely chat with the ladies who weave fantastic baskets of all colors from naturally grown grasses. They found out I was a Peace Corps volunteer and BAM! I was in. They have had and currently have a volunteer who works in tourism and English teaching and he was a hoot. I loved the fact that he had to hide when non-American tourists arrived. People from the U.S. somehow understand.. oh yeah Peace Corps would be here, while other foreign visitors got upset to see a random gringo taking up residence in a hut and attending meetings with community elders. It was a really memorable day and I got to be painted with the ink of a plant the Embera people use in their celebrations. My tat lasted a full week and I had to explain about 100 times that it was just temporary. My school director was not so pleased. Opps.

Wow, in all of my rambling I left out the huge chunk of time Maura spent in my site. That part was also pretty chebre because I finally got to show someone dear to me my community and its beautiful, generous people. We hiked a mountain with my friend John and his buddies from his site and laughed at the persistence of these Panamanian men’s offers to devote to us their eternal loyalty and love. She also had the chance to see how much my community looks after me when I was taken aback upon arriving at my first ever surprise birthday party that a few kind-hearted folks organized, and nearly every child in town attended! I think I had arroz con pollo 3 times that day and ate 2 birthday cakes (although one was for an old man birthday twin). I felt VERY loved. I hope she can visit again so that all the people who keep asking for her can finally shut up.. just kidding Maura, but yes they all love my other gringa friend. Anyone who wants to visit me please let me know so we can get organized!!!!

I’m getting close to being caught up apart from my very busy two weeks of In Service Training (IST). The highlights from these two weeks were being reunited with all of Group 68: Community Environmental Conservation and Sustainable Agriculture Systems groups, and getting to play with hand tools. We learned everything from worm fertilizers and eco-stove construction, to terraces and tree grafting. I learned about grant writing and how to start my much coveted eco-club with my kids. I finally feel knowledgeable and ready to come to my community members with ideas for projects and activities that will be sustainable and impact lives for the better. Did I mention Eco-Stoves? I’m out of the motivational slump I forgot to blog about and back on an enthusiasm high. Cannot wait to start breeding my worms in a box!

Lastly, I just returned from one of the coolest PC Panama traditions. My friend in Peace Corps Samoa was nice enough to send me an email and well wishes for my first major family holiday away from home. Little did she know that PC Panama takes the cake .. or pumpkin pie when it comes to doing Thanksgiving right. 150 or so of us all got together in Cerro Punto, Chiriqui in the highlands of a cold tropical rainforest (palm trees and sweaters, huh?) to devour massive amounts of turkey, and of course fine wines and spirits. I had a blast and somehow developed the new tradition being too cool for group dinners by opting to eat my Thanksgiving dinner in a random rowboat on a toy-sized lake. Yeah, I haven’t changed too much, still being the oddball with crazy ideas dragging others down with me. After two nights of dancing and regaling tales of our shared highs and lows as volunteers, a smaller group kicked it at the beach in Las Lajas for a night to soak up some sun before heading home to our far flung lands. I am so happy to have been surrounded by such inspiring people who I have the privilege of calling my peers and friends.

So now I’m back, trying to both jump on the ball and get it rolling. I am taking a group of 7th and 10th graders to the beach to learn about sea turtles this week, which for many could be their first trip to the coast. I am beyond excited. I am coordinating with another PCV who lives in Cambutal in Los Santos and her sea turtle conservation group and am very appreciative for their willingness to collaborate with me. :)

I will try to update with pictures and more news. I miss blogging and sharing my life with all of you. I also had the uncanny experience of meeting a guy whose blog I had stumbled upon when I was applying to Peace Corps, long before I knew I had a chance of being invited to serve in Panama. He was pretty stoked that I had blog stalked him and I can only hope some PCV applicant can read about my experiences and mentally say “Hell yeah! I’m so up for this!”

DAD AND GRANDMA SEND ME BOOKS PLEASE! (in the closet in a bag at grandma´s house)



Happy Thanksgiving and Lots of Love from El Cedro, Herrera,

Natalie